Settling back into life. Redefined.

 

It’s funny how you can think you have everything figured out, but then you can change your mind. My dad says women are always changing their minds. Well, maybe he’s right. And it’s because we can!

In my last post, we were preparing to move across the country, and it was challenging to eat with fresh, whole foods, when you need to clean your entire kitchen and pack up your house. So we still managed to be vegetarian, but vegan all the way just wasn’t happening. I’m not to that level yet. I had dreams of packing a cooler full of hummus and carrot sticks, veggie wraps, fresh fruit- but after packing a house, cleaning it from top to bottom, and filling our car to the max, there was no energy or room for that cooler. I needed a break!

When we got settled into our new place, that brought new challenges- living a week with out my own household goods, not knowing where to grocery shop, chasing down our two little hooligans, I was still not putting my diet as high on my list of important things as I had been. And I have to confess – I liked the break!

I was getting so stressed out trying to figure out new, healthy, easy things to make. I was getting tired of having to always have to come up with menus and then sometimes not be able to take the time to make dinner because every time I’m in the kitchen, my kids would eventually start killing each other… It was stressing me out. On top of that, it just gets really overwhelming sometimes trying to wade through all of the information about what is healthy and what isn’t.

While I enjoyed my break, I have picked up some bad habits- Coke every day is the number one. I seriously feel like an addict. I can go with out it some days, and it’s not that I HAVE to have it, I just WANT it! I tell myself, “It’s not that bad. Most people eat/drink way worse things than this” But that is totally rationalizing what I know deep down, isn’t good for me! But it irritates me that I feel guilty about drinking one or two glasses of soda a day! So then I’ll have one more! I have a goal to give it up- later!

(When I drink a glass of Coke on ice out of cold 2 liter bottle, I am taken back to my grandparents house as a child/ teenager, and sitting at the kitchen table with my Grandpa and drinking a glass of Coke a Cola with him while he smoked.  I don’t smoke, and never have, never will, but if I catch a whiff of a cigarette that is like what he smoked, it makes me happy. Maybe that is weird, and maybe I just had a breakthrough about just how much I miss my Grandpa - he died this past Thanksgiving at 90 years old, from complications related to old age, but maybe he would have lived to 100 if he hadn’t smoked/ate a diet high in animal, who knows?)

Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that I might not be cut out to be 100% die hard vegan- yet. I still wanna be- eventually. But I guess maybe this is me being rebellious. I don’t know if it counts to rebel against yourself, no one forced me to want to be vegan! But I have found in the past recent months that I will always be vegetarian. I don’t like eating animal meat. At all. I will continue to eat whole foods, unprocessed for 99% of the time, sometimes I get snacks for my kids. I drink green smoothies every day. My kids love them, when I buy spinach, my soon to be 3 year old says, “MMM.Green smoothies, Mommy!” If I am going to bake a dessert, I’m not going to bother putting in vegan butter and egg replacer. I make treats MAYBE once a month. And if I’m going to go to the trouble of baking something delicious, it’s going to taste EXACTLY like Mom’s or Grandma’s.  Because being halfway satisfied from my vegan cupcake or Newman O’s just isn’t doing it for me! Maybe I sound like a hypocrite, I don’t know, maybe I am!

I am thinking about joining a food co-op, where at least I can get butter and eggs from a local farm. I didn’t decide to eat Vegan for the protection of animals, although, I have become more aware and saddened by that aspect of things. 

I want to teach my boys to put good things into their bodies. I want to prevent them from as many bad things as humanly possible. But I also want them to enjoy life. Eat an ice cream cone at their cousin’s house.  Help their Grandma bake bread. Help their Grandpa in his garden. Bring hummus in their lunch to school and share with their friends. I think there is a balance. I’m just trying to find it!

I think if my animal product intake is less than 10% of my diet, I will be just fine. Maybe my perception of just fine will change someday when my kids are older and my metabolism slows down! Then I might not be baking any treats once a month. Ha!

Anyway, sorry this is so long, I treat this like my personal food journal/journey…

I am so lucky to have all my sisters who also try to be super healthy and are such examples to me. I would have never thought to buy that first gallon of Soy Milk if my sister hadn’t starting reading the China Study. Now that Soy Milk is Rice or Almond Milk!

They give me amazing recipes, and motivation to keep trying, even when I fail and eat a bag of my son’s potty training bribe candy (M&M’s), I can always start over again the next day!

I just want to stop being a typical woman,and expecting myself to be the perfect mom, wife, friend, sister, VEGAN. It’s just too much for me right now!

OK, I think I’m done venting! Happy eating, everyone!